How to motivate with one word: Words-blockers, or “black magic” of business communication
The word in business and personal communication is one of the most powerful tools. Verbal art is akin to magic and sorcery. Just one word can destroy the most solid “tower” of cooperation that you and your partners have built. Just one word — and you — “either pan, or gone”! This article is devoted to such words-destroyers, which are able to become creators if they are skillfully handled.
Very often in business communication with us there is one paradoxical phenomenon that is so unpredictable that sometimes it seems to us “magic”. We try our best to succeed with our interlocutor in negotiations (at meetings, approvals, etc.), “build bridges”, look for approaches and arguments, smile and flow in compliments, but suddenly… We utter a single word, and instantly destroy such an artfully constructed constructive tower of our dialogue! At the same time, we do not understand at all what is the reason for the sudden refusal, antipathy, discontent of our negotiating partner, when he unexpectedly “closes” for us, “becomes gloomy”, “refuses to further dialogue”, “resists”, “goes to the defense”.
Exactly-unexpectedly for us! I have often observed negotiations when a representative of ” our ” side was suddenly rejected by “the other side”, trying to “bring back” a favorable and constructive atmosphere, so suddenly lost, but it was all useless! The representative of the ” other side “either categorically avoided contact, or” closed”, depriving us of further opportunities to develop cooperation.
— I don’t understand why he suddenly changed from ‘anger to mercy’.” Was he “jinxed”? Or sent “damage”? my colleague, who was directly involved in the negotiations, was perplexed.
I had clearly heard why it happened and tried to explain it to him:
— You uttered the word-blocker, and the interlocutor closed!
Absolutely in all cases, in response to such a statement, I heard a puzzled disagreement:
— No, I didn’t say any blocking words!
It was necessary to carefully record the negotiations and even make a hidden video recording in order to then demonstrate to the negotiator “the fatal” word-blocker, which “broke such a promising game”. The word was ” Wait!”. It was uttered by my colleague four times, accompanied by a stopping hand gesture, and was intended to interrupt the suggestions and explanations of our interlocutor. In three out of four cases, the word “wait” was accompanied by the words: “I’ll explain everything to you!»
After four failed attempts to speak, our interlocutor blushed, clenched his cheekbones, tensed, turned away and stopped participating in the dialogue. After 5 minutes, he reduced the negotiations to “no”, and refused to further interact with us.
When my colleague found out about his four ” Wait!”, but I was extremely surprised, because I did not remember at all how and when I said this fatal word.
The fact is that we often do not realize the Blockers we utter. They become our usual form of everyday communication with people.
Words are very powerful (for our material world — comparable to magic and magic) tools that directly affect the reaction and behavior of our interlocutors. A blocker is a word or phrase that blocks the motivational and volitional sphere of our interlocutor, poetically speaking — these are elements of” black magic ” of that powerful magic that is the speech effect on a person.
Here are examples of typical Blockers that disrupt contact and dialogue:
“Wait! Don’t rush!
— I will not do this for you (what you ask)!
“Let me finish!”
— It’s not our fault!”
— That’s your problem!”
— You don’t understand me!
— Who told you that?”
— What makes you think that?”!
— I don’t understand you!”
— No, we won’t do what you ask!”
— You think so?”…So what?…
— … And I want to offer you another way!
— I heard you, now listen to me!
— On what grounds do you say that?”
— Our interests differ from you!
— You have unprofessional data.
– Stop! Stop it immediately!
— Don’t interrupt me!
— Don’t argue with me!
— Who are you?”
— Are you kidding?”
— Don’t fool me!
Recognize it? These and similar — at first glance, completely harmless and such familiar words and phrases we often hear from our interlocutors… we often utter ourselves in their address, but we do not always hear ourselves and pay attention to the fact that they were uttered.
There are actually many more blockers.only a small part of them are shown here, but some of the most typical ones are selected. While remaining unnoticed by us, they treacherously fall from our lips, acting on our interlocutor in the most unpredictable ways, and mostly — negatively.
Blockers affect the consciousness and subconsciousness of our interlocutor, paralyzing his Motivational and Volitional apparatus of activity.